letters to you :)

it's almost midnight when i wrote this letter.

instead got you text-ed or mentioned on any kind of SNS, i send you this letter. little bit odd, but somehow letter could be the most precious thing, because it may take your time a bit longer, but i think that give us enough time to recall all that we've done so far.

distance.
i don't want to fight it, because nothing i could change about, unless i had the doraemon's magic door or kind of time machine.
thousands miles. yeah, sounds not good in any ways. being away from each other sometimes make me sick. and these bunch of reasons came up suddenly and terrorize me with those bad ideas.
i want to leave it away. throw that dream into tempting trash can at the corner of my room.

just be strong and wait, you said.
how could i supposed to be strong while i don't have someone or even something to hold on?
how could i be patient and wait while i couldn't even guess what would happened next?

distance.
it's just nothing when your tricky mind try compared it with damn thing called timezone.
it's alright when we are apart but we might doing similar activity.
but it's not even okay when i went to bed while you up there, ready to start your day. that's not even fair, anyway.
i hate this feeling while i want to face it but what i did seems so wrong at all. seems like nothing works here.

is it okay for you if i gave it up?
is it okay for you if i ran away right now?
is it okay for you if i tried to leave it behind?

is it okay for me?

the only thing that keep me sane is the fact that you didn't promise me anything. you didn't brag me with those marvelous speech.
you set me free and let me know that you are there, might have a screwed mind like me.
you didn't say that you would always be there. neither do i.

and i remember that priceless memories. i remember that smile. i remember that laughter.
also the tears. the scars. the shouts. the arguments. the fight. so many fights.

i am not ready to say goodbye to them. i am not ready to start another scrapbook.

the fact that the new one would be so spacious and make me couldn't wait to attach so many thing right there, it doesn't have anything to look back.

doesn't have anything to learn.

now i want to told you every single things - that i was too embarrassed and shy about - that i had to keep it by myself.

i want to argue with you. i want you give me a sunflower instead a rose. i want you not to shave for several days. i want you to tease me in basketball court because i couldn't pass your defense. i want you to scold me when i did something wrong.
i want to be in the same timezone with you. i want to be in the same city with you.
i miss you who couldn't wake up early. i miss you who always had the chance to say the right thing. i miss you who change order, from americano to espresso just to make you could drink mine.
i miss you who couldn't sing well, couldn't dance well. i miss you who couldn't cook at all.
i don't want you to be mr. always right. i don't want you to be perfect.

so, call me when you got this letter finished. call me right after you've done with the last word. call me just to make me know that you're not going anywhere, that you're on the same line with me, that you're still reachable.

hold on. stay warm. keep sane. don't get sick. always be happy. i'll cheer you up from afar.

i hate saying goodbye. always.
then, see you! and let's make it soon! :)



P.S.: please, do not shave for couple days. don't forget to take a snapshot! haha! :)
P.S.S.: i still haven't got the driving license. but i dyed my hair! :P